I’ve lost it!
This past Friday, I lost it .. lost what I hear you ask … my resolve, no actually my entire will to live!
To understand my “mid life meltdown” we have to go back about a month in time when my darling cherub of a son fell ill, now Elias is quite often ill, he picks up anything that going really poor boy, but this time it really knocked him for six and my delightfully smiley child turned into a miserable crying, clinging “demon” who refused to sleep .. and Elias doesn’t do anything by half .. .not only would he not sleep in his room, he wouldn’t sleep in our room, in the spare room, while being held, while being rocked .. nope, Elias would just scream and when he was too tired for that, whimper.
Anyway the straw that broke this Mummys back happened on Thursday night .. Elias woke at 1 .. then 2 … then 3 .. at 3.30 am, James had had enough and had put Elias in his cot … Elias’ screams got louder and louder and had that ring to them that meant, there is no way in hell I am going to sleep. So a tired Mummy got out of bed, picked up the frantic child and headed down stairs to try and settle him … after half an hour of rocking and singing “his song” an exhausted child fell asleep in my arms (good), but I have to head out the door in about 40 mins (bad) .. so I started my day at 3.30 am .. suffice to say by the end of the day I was exhausted, short tempered and all I wanted was to eat toast (my comfort food) and crawl into bed.
So four pieces of toast later, I didn’t get to bed … instead I decide to have a chocolate and ice cream chaser, after all I had already “ruined” my diet .. so I might as well go the whole hog … not even the knowledge I was seeing Jo in the morning for measures dampened my resolve to eat crap.
Thankfully my measures still showed a drop .. although even when Jo told me I had reached 12% I wasn’t as happy as I would have been, just pissed off because every action has its consequence and now I have to not only burn off the fat I started with, but burn off the additional calories
The positive side to our horror month is that my husband has decided to make a huge sacrifice for our family and has put his degree on hold so that we can take Elias out of daycare. Because we will now lose the subsidy that was helping pay for the kids daycare, Isabelle will now only go a couple of days and we are moving her to a center just across the road from home. The mood at home has already brightened, even Elias seems happier, however don’t ask me how his sleep went last night … oh well like Rachel Hunter so wisely said, “It wont happen overnight, but it will happen”, lets just hope its sooner, rather than later!