Attention – It’s a public service announcement
They say that childbirth is the worst pain that you (a female) will ever encounter.
So much so that once when J was writhing in pain on the ground because one of the kidlets accidentally body slammed his boy parts and he exclaimed, “it’s the worst pain ever” (or something akin to that), I flippantly replied;
“It’s obvious you have never attempted to squeeze an entire child out of your vagina”
I think I even went as far as suggesting he should consume a large rock and when it had passed through his system in one piece that he come and tell me again about how “it’s the worst pain ever”
My secret is out!
Unless I carried you inside me for nine months and you come running towards me with outstretched arms and big eyes brimming with tears, then I’m not the most sympathetic person on earth. 😉
I thought having a baby was a great idea until the aforementioned baby decided it would like to come out now, then I told anyone and everyone within shouting distance that this was the most shite idea I had ever had – ever!
“They” tell you that you forget all about the pain once you have your baby in your arms, well “they” are telling big old porkies. I remembered just fine how much it hurt, so much so that J quickly forgot all his dreams about having 4 kids (3 boys and a girl, in that order if I recall correctly) because Miss 5 was going to be an only (and probably spoilt rotten) child.
However, with time the pain dulls, you remember that it hurt but you seem to forget just how MUCH because I like many other women in the world had an encore performance and went through it all again, after all it’s worth it (once the kidlets get to the sleeping through the night and toilet trained stage) 😉
BUT here’s the point (of this long winded blog post). As a woman who has given birth (twice) I would like to share an easy way for all of you women who are wanting kids and all of you men who want to know how much pain your significant other is going to bear for you. (Or has, whatever the case may be).
Do a mobility session with either my Coach Joe or my Physio Graham.
You know how they have sex education for teens? Well I’m pretty sure there would be way less unplanned pregnancies in the world if if everyone was made to sit in a frog pose with a weight in the form of a plate or one average sized physio on their back for 2 minutes and then have to repeat that for three rounds ..
OR if you had to adopt the Supta Baddha Konasana (SOOP-tah BAH-duh cone-AHS-uh-nuh) pose and then as an added bonus, have a large Samoan man put both of his legs on top of your thighs, while he says “Relax, Breathe, Just Relax” as you bite your fist and try to hold back tears (The heritage part isn’t of real importance, any large man will do, I don’t want to be seen as being racist) 😉
Oh mobility how I hate you.
The only positive spin I could come up with is that it only lasted an hour not 24 like my actual labour and I didn’t have to lose 45 kilos afterwards.
And one day it’s going to get me to the point where I can squat as much as I can bench press. #bonus
Till next time